It all started yesterday when, my unassuming husband, so sweetly came home for lunch to deliver a prize to my kids... a baby duck! It really might be the cutest thing, not quite sure how to take care of it though...
Anyway, after the duck got way to much attention, and the kids went down for a nap, I unloaded on my husband. I really don't even know where it came from...
But it was bad... with tear filled eyes I laid it all out there...most of my sentences beginning with: I want, I need, I don't, I can't, I'm tired... you know what I am talking about, right?
Everything I said was all about ME! After I, for lack of a better term, "vomited" all over my sweet husband, he so delicately concluded with, "I know, that is so tough..." Which is probably because he truly was not sure what was to come next... and after 6 years of marriage you realize that sometimes any bit of reality or truth is not always the best answer. Sometimes a simple acknowledgment of your irrational slur of crazy words, is what you need.
After he left and I was exhausted from my "outburst", I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was thinking that I really got to get stuff off of my chest and let him know how I really feel about certain things and that we got somewhere today... and then I started thinking...
I am the most selfish person in the entire world...
The Lord started giving me verses from His word pointing to the fact that this world is not where we find any of our worth or satisfaction. All of a sudden, I was just overwhelmed with guilt and embarrassment, that my husband who came home to surprise us with a silly duck that we named Tiger... he had to listen to me go on and on about some really ridiculous stuff.
Who really cares, what kind of car that I drive ( I am pretty sure at some point I said if I did not have a car that I could open the back door automatically I was going to cry, I know, my poor husband), or the color of my cabinets, or the fact that I am always tired and all I do is clean up after my kids, because at the end of the day, I am blessed beyond measure. My cup is more full then it deserves to be. I have been bought with a price and I am not my own! That pretty much leaves out any room for selfishness.
I am striving to lead a life that glorifies God and not myself. I am striving to raise my kids to worship their savior and not me, and I am trying to move myself out of the way so that He can complete the work that He has started. I tend to fail everyday, but I am overwhelmed at the mercy and grace that is poured out onto me, faithfully! In the midst of my selfish desires and worldly wants, He meets me where I am and offers something better then any automatically opening car or gorgeously painted white cabinets!
So I leave you today with this thought...
Who do you serve? Yourself or your Savior?
It's a daily choice to take yourself off of the throne and put the true king back on, but we make the choice because His ways are better then our ways and because He loved us first!
